Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Just an Update

So, I haven't posted to this thing in a while, as you can see. I ran out of B.S., basically (who, me?)
I've been spending a lot of time on Twitter lately, so, if you're on there, hit me @insanetruckdriv.
I've been thinking about some phrases I've used, not only to describe other "drivers" out there, but stupid little rhymes I say to myself. For example, when backing the truck into a door, I'll say "Easy there, Stevie Square," or "One-shot Charlie is in the house!" (if I back up perfectly, without pulling up.) Of course, if I don't get it right (nobody's perfect) I'll say "One-shot Charlie doesn't live here any more. Sometimes, I'll say "Break it down, Charlie Brown," if I'm on an exit ramp, see a cop, that kind of thing.

Here are some expressions I use when describing other drivers: Warning! Explicit!
1) "Perhaps you'll grow a brain some day - not today, fortunately"
2) "Please don't be a Douchebag. Ooops, too late!"
3) "If you have the cojones to pass me, go ahead! Otherwise, get off my ass!"
4) "Slowpokes in front, Speed Demons riding my ass"
5) Various other unpleasantries

Hey, am I the world's best driver? No, but at least I use a little common sense. You know, I've said this before: 55mph is an antiquated system, we all realize that. I try to be some where in the middle, between the "Nervous Nellies" and the "Speed Demons." More and more, it seems, I'm the one being passed, rather than passing others.
George Carlin, one of my all-time favorite comedians, described driving perfectly: "Anyone who drives slower than you is a moron, and anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac!" I've modified that to: "Anyone that drives faster than me is a Douchebag, and anyone that drives slower than me is a Turd Ferguson"
Crazy drivers, we all have to live with them. If you are one of them, I only have one thing to say: SIMMER THE FUCK DOWN, ASSHOLE!

More soon?

Steve

1 comment:

Myndi said...

This was cute. Keep writing!