Tidbits, #5

I don't have a good quote for today's post; I've taken a little time off, for a couple of reasons: First, I'm not really sure how many people are even reading this damn thing, so I've become somewhat discouraged about the whole process. I KNOW nobody's checked out my sponsors (or very few anyway), so the $ I'm spending on adwords to promote this blog is not getting me many results. Secondly, I guess I just needed some time to gather my thoughts. Really, I'm running out of bullshit! I've been posting these blog articles for 8 months now, and, my job being so repetetive, there's really not much new going on. Same ol' bullshit, different month/year.
Anyway, I thought I'd review my positions here, for those of you who may not have read my earlier posts, so here goes.
I don't consider myself an actual "trucker" despite the handle trucker44; the job I'm in right now is different from what OTR truckers do. Not better or worse, just different. Perhaps the day will come when I actually go over-the-road, right now I can't say. I guess I'm content, if not happy, with what I do, although every week I ask God to deliver me from this f'ing BS. Maybe I do need a change, I dunno. But, I have mixed emotions about you OTR people: I respect what you do, don't know if I really would or could do it. On the other hand, the way some of you present yourselves, and the way many of you drive, kinda disgusts me, ya know? Sorry, that's the way I feel.
I've talked about the different places I've gone, some of the more interesting occurences I've seen, truckstops, drivers, the sweet little waitress I never really got to know, that kind of stuff.
To those who have responded with comments, I thank you, and will be more than happy to check out your sites as well. I've also mentioned my strong desire to get out of this line of work altogether. I still feel that way, although it's becoming more and more apparent that my "retirement" from trucking is still a long way off. I mean, I'm sure like many of you out there, I can't afford to quit working (still playing the lottery, though, lol). My bills seem to be growing far faster than my income, that's for sure. Now, the wife is talking about buying a house next year, and my daughter turns 16, so she'll be wanting a car of her own. It all seems so overwhelming sometimes, ya know? Shit I can't even afford to have the transmission (slipping) on my car looked at. But, I suppose it could be worse; hell, I'm still able-bodied, and willing to bust-ass for my paycheck. Turning 45 this year makes me start to think about how long my body is going to hold out, though. And this fucking smoking is really starting to kill me. My next vacation is next month, so I'm commited to quitting, this time for good. Can't afford to go anywhere, besides the kid goes back to school that week, so that puts a damper on any travel plans.
I know I sound like just another guy bitching about his job, but this is my forum, so I guess I'm entitled. People ask me "Do you enjoy your work?" Enjoy? WTF is that? I don't know the meaning of that word. My job is something that I "get through" till the next weekend. Yeah, and I'm lonely out there by myself too. The family doesn't care. They barely even talk to me when I call. They have their own issues to deal with, I guess. Yeah, so I reflect about my life, my work, home, family, etc., and I find I'm not as satisfied as I'd like to be. But, truth be told, I'm kind of scared of the alternative: being an OTR driver, with no sense of when I'll be back home again. I know there's middle ground out there, but, like I said before, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and sometimes it's best to just stay put.
So, grit yer teeth and bear it, that's my situation at the moment. When a change might happen, I couldn't tell you. I have to keep my family's needs first, which helps them, but makes me unhappy. Oh, well, that's life in the big city. Speaking of which, my next post will be about Chicago. Again, thanks to all who've read this rambling idiot's warped view of the world, or my little piece of it, anyway.

More soon,


Steve