Tidbits

"If you have the space, take it!" - old truck driver's axiom


The above saying was relayed to be by one of our veteran drivers, who had heard it from an
old-timer, I guess. But isn't it true? Not a working day goes by when I don't think about this
simple phrase. I mean, it could be just pulling onto the shoulder a little to let an oversized load pass as your driving down the road, or using that empty left-turn lane as you make your right
turn in the city. Anyway, the following post (maybe more than one) are just bits & pieces that
don't fall into any particular category.
Here are some words/phrases/sayings I think to myself, or even say out loud while I'm driving:
"Any big dogs in the chute?" - Any big trucks coming down the entrance ramp (always look out for that)
"Put some giddyup on it!" - Usually I'm hollering this out to some four-wheeler I'm stuck behind (tip of the hat to Ken "Hawk" Harrelson, White Sox announcer). A related phrase is "Don't make me run this truck up yer ass!"
If I get behind someone, and I'm close, I'll say "I ain't gonna hit ya, I might cuss ya out a little, but..." or, "Not in your wildest dreams..." (Although I did almost hit some guy the other day, who couldn't decide whether or not to make a right turn)
Another one is "Kick it in the ass!" - speed up
"Break it down!" - step on the brakes
"Neighbor" - trucks next to/around me at the truckstop ("Howdy neighbor!")
"Guy wants to 'grow a pair'" - when you're trying to pass someone, and he/she all of a sudden speeds up so you can't pass, and have to duck in behind 'em.
Here's one I say as I'm backing into a spot: "Easy there, Stevie square..." it rhymes, ya know?
I always say this one as I see big trucks coming up fast from behind to pass me "Bring it on, muthafucka!"
There are some generic cuss words/names I holler at people(idiot drivers-I don't know how you can even refer to them as "people" sometimes, 4-wheelers and truckers alike) when they're doing something stupid:
"ass-wipe"
"Shit-for-brains" (my personal fave)
"shitwit"
"numbnuts"
"fucknuts"
"dumbass"
"fuckin' moron"
"fucking idiot"
"bitch-ass motherfucker" (tip of the hat to Xzibit, on Limp Bizkit's Getcha Groove On)
Those are the main ones I use, and I must say I'm using them more and more often, so you people must be driving worse and worse these days (tisk, tisk).
There are a few descriptions
of drivers from certain areas that I'll also use:
Wisconsin drivers: "Cheese-dicks"
Southern drivers: besides the obvious "redneck," "hillbilly," etc., I also like "shit-kicker," it's a
good, all-around descriptive phrase.
Farmers: "Shit-Farmers," or "Dirt-Farmers". Hey, I give farmers a hard time, but I realize what they do is not easy, so I really do appreciate them.
Of course, I've already mentioned "Fuckin' Hoosiers"
Here's another one I holler out at 4-wheelers who are obviously starved for attention:
"I'm scared of you!" (NOT!)
Anyway, those are just a few that I can come up with off the top of my head. I'll have more "Tidbits" in future postings. If you have any favorite sayings, please share them in the "Comments" section of this blog.

More soon,

Steve